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When Pleasure Becomes Work: My Journey With Pudendal Nerve Sensitivity and Finding What Works

Let’s be real—orgasms aren’t always as simple as they used to be. For many women going through perimenopause or menopause, it’s not just a dip in libido. It’s a complete shift in how the body responds to touch, arousal, and climax.

And for some of us, like me, it becomes a journey of trial and error, frustration, and rediscovery.

The Unexpected Loss of Sensation

One day, I realized that something had changed; I couldn’t feel the same level of sensation in my clitoris. I wasn’t completely numb, but everything felt muted. What once took minutes now took 30, sometimes longer, and only on “good days.” Other times, I would try and try, only to be left tired and emotionally drained from the effort.

The hardest part? I still had desire, but my body didn’t seem to cooperate.

Connecting the Dots: The Pudendal Nerve

After some deep diving (and connecting with other women), I came across information about the pudendal nerve the main nerve responsible for clitoral and pelvic sensation. It can become irritated, compressed, or desensitized due to things like:

• Childbirth trauma (I’ve had nine children!)

• Long periods of sitting

• Hormonal changes and nerve-nourishing vitamin deficiencies

• Pelvic floor tension or back issues

Suddenly, it all started to make sense.

Trying Vibrators: The Frustration and the Fix

Of course, I turned to tools that might help reawaken sensation. I tested multiple vibrators, some too weak, some too strong, and others just...wrong.

But the one that made a noticeable difference?
💗 The Rose Clitoral Vibrator.

It had just the right mix of suction and vibration, and on certain days, especially around ovulation, I could actually reach orgasm again. It still wasn’t easy or quick, but it felt like progress.

Yet, I still had days when even the Rose didn’t do the trick. There was a mental and emotional toll to trying and failing, again and again.

Giving the Wand a Chance

Eventually, I decided to try something new, again, the classic Wand vibrator. Known for its powerful, broad stimulation, I hoped it might help bypass some of the nerve’s dulled responsiveness.

I’m still exploring it, but so far, it’s offering a deeper, more resonant type of stimulation and some much-needed variety. And let’s be honest: when you’ve been dealing with clitoral numbness or nerve delay, sometimes you need that stronger kickstart.

The Truth About Relearning Pleasure

What I’ve learned most is this: my pleasure journey doesn’t look like it used to, and that’s okay.

Some days are easier. Some are frustrating. Sometimes I cry, and sometimes I laugh because yes, it still takes me 30+ minutes to orgasm. But I refuse to give up on this part of myself.

My Tips If You’re Struggling Too:

🔹 Be patient with yourself. This is not about performance—this is about reconnecting with your body in a new way.
🔹 Explore a variety of tools. Don’t be afraid to try different vibrators (including suction, wands, or combo types).
🔹 Check your nerve health. B12, iron, and magnesium play a huge role. Pelvic physical therapy may help, too.
🔹 Track your cycle. I notice better sensations around ovulation—your body might have a rhythm, too.
🔹 Let go of expectations. Some orgasms might take time—or not happen at all—and that’s okay. You’re still worthy of touch, pleasure, and love.

Final Thoughts

Clitoral numbness and pudendal nerve issues are more common than we think, but are barely talked about. You’re not broken. You’re not alone. And your pleasure still matters even if it takes a little more patience, creativity, and compassion.

Let’s keep talking about this. Loudly. Openly. Without shame.

Because every woman deserves to feel connected to her body, no matter what stage of life she’s in.

What Your Clitoris Is Telling You: Numbness, Tingling & Hormones

By Laura Lynn Aviles, Founder of Perimenopause Chat Lounge

Let’s talk about something most women have been taught to ignore: changes in clitoral sensation.

If you've ever thought, “Why does it feel like something’s missing down there?” or “Why am I getting weird tingling or even burning sensations?”—you’re not imagining it. And you’re definitely not alone.

I started noticing it myself not too long ago—a strange lack of sensation, like something had been “turned off.” Then, out of nowhere, sensation returned during my cycle—suddenly stronger, almost like the nerves had flickered back to life. These shifts were confusing, frustrating, and frankly, a little scary. But they became the spark that led me to start asking real questions and connecting with other women who felt the same.

Hormones, Nerves & Your Clitoris: A Missing Piece of the Menopause Puzzle

As we move through perimenopause and beyond, hormonal shifts—especially estrogen and testosterone—can affect nerve function, blood flow, and tissue sensitivity, particularly in intimate areas like the clitoris.

When I began diving into research, I discovered that many women in perimenopause experience numbness, tingling, or even burning sensations around the clitoral or vulvar area. But no one talks about it. It's often brushed off as aging or “just stress.” But in reality, it can be a direct signal from your nervous system and hormones that something’s shifting.

Is It Hormonal? Is It Neurological? It’s Often Both.

Here’s what I—and many others—have experienced:

• Numb or dulled clitoral sensation

• Sudden “zapping” or tingling feelings

• Random return of sensitivity around ovulation or mid-cycle

• Difficulty achieving orgasm, or orgasms that feel weaker or inconsistent

These symptoms often come and go in rhythm with your cycle, just like mine did. I noticed that sensation would completely fade for weeks, then return during ovulation, only to disappear again. It wasn’t random. It was hormonal.

Let’s Talk About the Pudendal Nerve

The clitoris is supplied by the pudendal nerve, which runs from the sacrum (lower spine) through the pelvic floor. If you’ve had children (I’ve had nine!), or spent years sitting at a desk, or ever had back or tailbone issues, you may be dealing with nerve compression, too.

In fact, the more I listened to my body, the more I realized how important posture, pelvic floor tension, and nerve health were in this picture. Our clitoris isn’t just a surface organ—it’s deeply connected to our nervous system and entire pelvic structure.

Don’t Forget Testosterone

Another thing I personally learned the hard way: testosterone matters more than we’re told. I began using a low-dose testosterone cream (under medical supervision) directly on the clitoris. It was subtle, but I began to notice small shifts—like more sensation, occasional return of desire, and even more energy.

Most women don’t even know they can test their testosterone, or that low levels might be part of why they feel “shut down” sexually.

How I’m Supporting My Clitoral Nerve Health Now

Here’s what’s been working for me (and what I recommend looking into):

💡 Hormone testing — Track your estrogen, testosterone, and progesterone
💡 Pelvic nerve awareness — I do stretches, avoid long hours sitting, and use a posture-correcting cushion
💡 Nutrient support — I’ve focused on increasing B12, iron, and magnesium—all critical for nerve health
💡 Clitoral stimulation therapy — Using safe, gentle vibration to help “reawaken” nerves and blood flow
💡 Talking about it openly — Creating this community is part of my own healing

You’re Not Broken—You’re Changing

This journey isn’t about shame—it’s about understanding. If you’re noticing changes in sensation or sexual response, don’t ignore it. These symptoms are real, valid, and deserve compassionate support.

I created Perimenopause Chat Lounge so we could finally talk about these things—without embarrassment, without being dismissed, and with real strategies for healing.

Let’s normalize this conversation and remind ourselves:
🩷 You are not alone. You are not broken. Your body is talking—let’s listen together.