When Pleasure Becomes Work: My Journey With Pudendal Nerve Sensitivity and Finding What Works
Let’s be real—orgasms aren’t always as simple as they used to be. For many women going through perimenopause or menopause, it’s not just a dip in libido. It’s a complete shift in how the body responds to touch, arousal, and climax.
And for some of us, like me, it becomes a journey of trial and error, frustration, and rediscovery.
The Unexpected Loss of Sensation
One day, I realized that something had changed; I couldn’t feel the same level of sensation in my clitoris. I wasn’t completely numb, but everything felt muted. What once took minutes now took 30, sometimes longer, and only on “good days.” Other times, I would try and try, only to be left tired and emotionally drained from the effort.
The hardest part? I still had desire, but my body didn’t seem to cooperate.
Connecting the Dots: The Pudendal Nerve
After some deep diving (and connecting with other women), I came across information about the pudendal nerve the main nerve responsible for clitoral and pelvic sensation. It can become irritated, compressed, or desensitized due to things like:
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Childbirth trauma (I’ve had nine children!)
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Long periods of sitting
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Hormonal changes and nerve-nourishing vitamin deficiencies
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Pelvic floor tension or back issues
Suddenly, it all started to make sense.
Trying Vibrators: The Frustration and the Fix
Of course, I turned to tools that might help reawaken sensation. I tested multiple vibrators, some too weak, some too strong, and others just...wrong.
But the one that made a noticeable difference?
💗 The Rose Clitoral Vibrator.
It had just the right mix of suction and vibration, and on certain days, especially around ovulation, I could actually reach orgasm again. It still wasn’t easy or quick, but it felt like progress.
Yet, I still had days when even the Rose didn’t do the trick. There was a mental and emotional toll to trying and failing, again and again.
Giving the Wand a Chance
Eventually, I decided to try something new, again, the classic Wand vibrator. Known for its powerful, broad stimulation, I hoped it might help bypass some of the nerve’s dulled responsiveness.
I’m still exploring it, but so far, it’s offering a deeper, more resonant type of stimulation and some much-needed variety. And let’s be honest: when you’ve been dealing with clitoral numbness or nerve delay, sometimes you need that stronger kickstart.
The Truth About Relearning Pleasure
What I’ve learned most is this: my pleasure journey doesn’t look like it used to, and that’s okay.
Some days are easier. Some are frustrating. Sometimes I cry, and sometimes I laugh because yes, it still takes me 30+ minutes to orgasm. But I refuse to give up on this part of myself.
My Tips If You’re Struggling Too:
🔹 Be patient with yourself. This is not about performance—this is about reconnecting with your body in a new way.
🔹 Explore a variety of tools. Don’t be afraid to try different vibrators (including suction, wands, or combo types).
🔹 Check your nerve health. B12, iron, and magnesium play a huge role. Pelvic physical therapy may help, too.
🔹 Track your cycle. I notice better sensations around ovulation—your body might have a rhythm, too.
🔹 Let go of expectations. Some orgasms might take time—or not happen at all—and that’s okay. You’re still worthy of touch, pleasure, and love.
Final Thoughts
Clitoral numbness and pudendal nerve issues are more common than we think, but are barely talked about. You’re not broken. You’re not alone. And your pleasure still matters even if it takes a little more patience, creativity, and compassion.
Let’s keep talking about this. Loudly. Openly. Without shame.
Because every woman deserves to feel connected to her body, no matter what stage of life she’s in.
